Yesterday I took my talents to Instagram (Sike nah but Sike yeah) and decided to ask my followers if girlfriends should cook for their boyfriends and vice versa?
79% of my followers voted "once in a while" and the other 21% simply said "nah spousal privileges"
But what I found most interesting is the reasoning behind these responses. One of my female followers messaged me saying:
Then I really got to thinking and I realized that I couldn't agree more. If a man is going to marry you, he's going to marry you. As human beings our flesh is sinful and wicked. The only thing that saves us from being evil to one another is the Holy Spirit living in us, and in turn us also obeying the Holy Spirit when he gently tells us in a still soft voice to not be triflin.
As human beings we can take advantage of one another. I personally don't live my life like that simply because I don't want someone doing my future sons dirty just because I did that to someone's son x years ago... Karma is real and I want only the good parts of it to manifest in my life.
Anywayssss, after I got this response I then asked my male followers to holla at me because they can make things more clear from a male perspective and this is what I got.
This response made me cackle. I think men can be shadier than women but that's another conversation for another day. LOL...
But honestly who doesn't love a man that can cook and be domestic. Being African you normally see or hear that the wife is always the one in charge of the kitchen running around like a chicken with their head cut off.
I then realized in my young adult life that, that isn't always the case. It's OK for a man to cater to his wife cook and clean for her. If a man cooks for me, especially if he's surprising me with food, that makes me feel loved because you took the time to think of me and give me a break. If his food isn't good that's something that can be fixed. You can't fix a man that beats you or curses you out over any silly matter.
One of my male followers also made this suggestion for those that can't cook because like I said before somethings can be fixed!
Eating out is superrr expensive whether you have the coin or not. But investing in a cookbook can save you hundreds of dollars instread of spending $15 on Chic Fil A 2x a week because all of that adds up! We have to become more financially literate, our children's children are depending on us to make the right decisions today so that they can enjoy tomorrow.
I am a firm believer that if we aren't cooking together the least my partner can do is clean if not then he can buy the groceries. (I consider myself to be a fair babe) It's not that its a requirement but if I'm standing to cook and you are cleaning the kitchen that makes me feel appreciated and relaxed. Which in turn has me thinking "wow, everything doesn't have to fall on me". If he does that for you then sis he's a keeper!
Another one of my female followers responded saying this:
Cooking is a love language of it's own. Feeding someone you love is so romantic to me. It's the little things that count and that boost intimacy in a relationship. Something even like your man helping you take your braids out or even washing the dishes can help boost intimacy in a relationship. You can even get your mans car detailed and sparkling clean which could help soften his heart towards you as well. The goal is to build intimacy in your relationship and it doesn't always have to involve sex (especially if you're not married).
But back to the matter...
My final thoughts on if girlfriends should cook for their boyfriends is that its OK to do it once in a while to let your man KNOW you can throw down! I say this because as human beings if someone is doing something for you for free ALL THE TIME then they will get comfortable and take advantage of you. Like my mama and every aunty I know has said to me since I was born "he won't buy the cow if he's getting it for free"... Aunty trust me, I HEARD you and I am actively listening.
I know my worth. I refuse to allow any one to take advantage of me. (I ask God for discernment and to stop me when I'm doing too much). Like I mentioned before I think it's OK depending on the dynamic of the relationship, but there is a thin line between cooking for your man then the next thing you know you're playing house.
Thanks so much for reading and leave a comment. #AMATALK
Talk you guys later x
"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach".... That's an Akan proverb and I think it carries some truth. Putting your talents on display is certainly part of the dating process. I don't think a young woman should make it her duty to be cooking for her guy every day but once in a while or upon request, why not? Don't go crazy.... cook the meals you've mastered. Also, when a guy cooks for his woman, it certainly scores massive points.
@ Rebecca thank you for your response!! that's so interesting that you did that. tbh I have never really thought to move in that manner just to see what I was getting myself into...
But I think that's with every genuine person in an authentic relationship as well, you do more for the one you love especially when they don't ask or nag you for it!
I cooked for my boyfriend now husband. For me I like to know what I’m getting myself into. So I wanted to see how he responded to things. I liked doing it because he never asked or said anything when I didn’t. I enjoyed it.